Have you ever had the experience that you weren’t quite sure what was wrong but felt that something was “off” and you were not being yourself? It’s been a while since I was myself. I’ve felt somehow disconnected lately. Disconnected with my inner self.
It was one of those early spring mornings when it’s still cold to leave your coat hanging but warm enough to get you sweat when walking up a hill. Sunrays breaking through the clouds to warm your skin and a light breeze catching your hair and bringing the smell of the first blossoms.
I headed to a nearby park and found a lonely bench by a pond, looking over the meadow. Pure perfection. I was sitting there for hours, staring into the distance, doing nothing, just listening to my inner voice, and letting my thoughts chase each other in my head. I felt happy.
I always thought of happiness as a momentary thing. You can have an infinite number of moments and they can follow one another rapidly, but they will always last only for a short period of time. Like an impulse or flash.
So, what is happiness?
a hot cup of tea,
feeling the stroke of sunrays on your face,
the smell of lilies,
waking up to a kiss,
cuddling with your boyfriend, girlfriend, dog, cat, a pillow,
curling up under a warm blanket on a chilly night,
enjoying sweet idleness,
spending a Sunday in bed,
reunion with old-time friends,
making love and falling back asleep in each other’s arms,
pancakes with ice cream,
the sound of the sea,
the smell of salty air,
wandering around aimlessly for hours,
singing out loud while walking down the street and realizing that someone is behind you,
being the one behind when a 60-year-old thinks he is alone and is lustily singing Adele,
the first bite into the crust of freshly baked bread,
a stranger’s smile,
a ladybird that can find her way out of the water,
laughing out loud when reading a book,
(even more so if it happens on the subway, and even more more so if it happens on the subway and you cannot stop),
listening to your grandma’s childhood stories,
hugging your beloved ones after returning from a long trip,
laughing until your belly hurts,
getting tears in your eyes while watching a movie,
catching sight of a rainbow,
candles with cinnamon scent,
listening to raindrops knocking on a window,
the smell of rain-soaked earth,
your blushing cheeks after a good run,
your blushing cheeks when the guy in the deli gives you a compliment,
the touch of a soft plush animal,
a good night’s sleep,
walking home after being out all night and catching the sunrise,
making someone’s day better by doing something really small…
And a thousand other moments…
Today I realized how easy it is to forget how lucky we are… to have two legs and arms or a roof over our head or running hot water or good health – a chance for all the things listed above. It’s so easy to immerse in our own misery, but it takes only a moment to come to our senses when we see someone, who doesn’t or cannot have one of these…
Today I’ve found something I didn’t have for a long time. My inner peace. The harmony inside of me, and for that, I’m grateful. And I know that everything will fall into place in the end. It always does. It just takes longer sometimes. And to realize this, all I needed was a bit of sunshine, a light breeze carrying the scent of flowering trees, chirping birds, a lonely bench, and a cup of tea. Or let’s just call it spring. When not only does nature revive, but also believed to be dead souls do.
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